While Julia was still alive and then afterwards the planning of the funeral there was much to keep me busy and my mind preoccupied. There were even things to look forward to. Quite moments at Julia's bedside, sharing the gift of Julia with family and friends, thinking of ways to make it a most special and beautiful day...
Today was different.
Grief is something I've not had to experience at this level in my life and I don't really understand it. I'm not quite sure what to think or what to do. One thing is for certain in my life right now. Aiden and Emmy are still Aiden and Emmy. They want to play, to eat, to make messes, even whine and argue and fight occasionally. Life can't stay on hold.
The peace we've felt about Julia's life and passing remain but there is also an emptiness and void that is accentuated today. I am grateful for Matt. Our love and bond has been strengthened through this trial and I am so grateful to have him by my side. We are getting through this together.
2 comments:
Very poignant. This is really beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.
Grief is very complex and so hard to understand. Just because you feel peace doesn't mean that you won't feel the emptiness and the void in your life. It's ok to feel that. I wish Julia were here and you didn't have to feel the pain of losing her. You and Matt did a wonderful job sharing Julia with everyone at her funeral. Your love for her was so obvious. Give yourself permission to not be ok some days, or everyday. I'm so glad that you and your husband are getting through this together. Lean on each other and try to remember that you will grieve differently and that it is completely ok. Men and women grieve very differently. HUGS.
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